I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
