You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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