Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
