I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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