3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize