She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
