I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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