Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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