swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
