I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
