so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
