No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
