one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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