She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
