I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
