My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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