I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
