I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
