That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
