Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
