I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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