I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
they need to just BURY HIM!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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