Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
