You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
