I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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