sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
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Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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