he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
