he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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