I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
