First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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