Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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