There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Boobs speak an international language.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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