Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
