Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
