i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
