If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
