physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
