Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
