That's intense
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
