hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
