I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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