I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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