my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
