it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
