I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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