I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
