Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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