So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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