'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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