I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
