you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Shame is for Republicans.
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