I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
