you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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