We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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