you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
