turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
