Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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