If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
