He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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