me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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