in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
