I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
