I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
