I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
