The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
