All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
