Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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