Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
