They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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