I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
