That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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