Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
