My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
