LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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