Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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