Umm I'm too high to move.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
