We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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