don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
