are you so shy because you have an std?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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